


if only you knew

by Amonet



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:57:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amonet/pseuds/Amonet
Summary: "Wanting him, thinking about biting him, kissing him, it all just gets worse, the more Snow stares holes into his back. Sometimes Baz turns around, stares back. It’s hard though, holding his gaze. Not looking at his lips. He couldn’t though. He never can, not when Snow could see."





	if only you knew

**Author's Note:**

> I've been having way too many feelings about Snowbaz lately...

Baz comes back from the catacombs late at night, too late to be out without permission, but he knows he won’t get caught. And Simon is not going to tell anyone, even if he is still awake, waiting. Sometimes it makes Baz feel like a prisoner in his own room, the way Snow is constantly watching him, making sure he hasn’t done anything horrible yet. It is still strangely calming, Snows fear off him. He wouldn’t dare get to close. His fear is stronger than his curiosity. But it also makes Baz sick to think of it. He should be glad, he knows. This it means that Snow has not caught on, he doesn’t know that Baz could never hurt him. Of course, it also means that he still hates him. And hate is not the kind of passion Baz wants, even if it’s the only kind he is going to get. Snow is so, so straight, with his perfect girlfriend and his white picket fence fantasies and Baz is everything Agatha is not. And even if- If some miracle were to happen and Simon was interested in boys, even just the tiniest bit, well. Baz has nothing going for him. Simon hates him and Baz knows how thin the line between hate and love can be, but with Snow it’s always been hate in its purest form. 

The shower is cold, all the warm water long gone, but Baz stays longer than he needs to anyway, just to escape Simon for a bit longer. It’s horrible, living with him. Wanting him, thinking about biting him, kissing him, it all just gets worse, the more Snow stares holes into his back. Sometimes Baz turns around, stares back. It’s hard though, holding his gaze. Not looking at his lips. He couldn’t though. He never can, not when Snow could see. He doesn’t want to know what’s going to happen if Snow knows that Baz wouldn’t fight back - would never lay a hand on Simon - if he were to attack him. Would he kill him? 

When he is climbing into bed he can still feel Simons accusing gaze on him. “You’re a monster.” It screams. “You’re a monster and everyone can see it.”  
As if Baz doesn’t know. Snow never lets him forget it.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, talk to me on tumblr or send me a prompt! I'm [Amonet-writes](https://amonet-writes.tumblr.com) over there!


End file.
